You talk in paragraphs, I write my sentence (silverraze) wrote,
You talk in paragraphs, I write my sentence

well, now

Ok, so 4 months have gone by since my last post.
Why? no idea. I still check this thing most days... and a lot has happened. I guess I just never feel like writing it all down.

Well, in January Ryan and I went to Chicago. I thought it was just a trip for the hell of it, and to get away for a few days. I was wrong
He proposed. It was so cute. We were taking a bunch of pictures one day. When we got back to the hotel he asked me if I wanted to look at the pictures. Little did I know that he had changed out the memory card in the camera. Instead of seeing pictures of our day, I saw pictures of him holding up signs, one word per pic. " Will. You. Marry. ME. ? " and then another that said "please check one box" with yes and no written under, haha.
He is such a dork.
Of course I said yes. he gave me this beautiful antique diamond ring that we had seen in an antique store a few months back. Seems that he had bought it back then, and planned to give it to me in Chicago. Chicago is kind of our place :) we go there a few times a year... mostly to shop at the vintage stores and eat the great food, haha

So we are getting married this summer. August 3rd to be exact. I have been running around trying to schedule everything. so much goes in to a wedding, it is ridiculous. It is hard because my work schedule is all over the place... it is hard to coordinate with people and make appointments.
I am excited for the wedding. It will be fun. Both of us want it to be a fun day. Definitely not stuffy and uptight like most weddings.
But mostly I am excited to have him as my husband. I know that may sound cheesy, but it is true. I just love that boy so much. I cant wait to move in and start our lives together. it is a big change... but a great one.

It is funny... with all of this happening I have started to think back on my past relationships, both serious and casual ones. I guess the realization that you are going to spend the rest of your life with 1 person will make you do that.
For the most part I have no idea what I was thinking with those relationships. The people were so obviously wrong for me. The signs were all over the place.

I have had a few serious relationships in my life, and about a ton of casual ones. I was always one of those people who was never single. that all comes down to me being insecure. I hated being alone because I felt that it meant there was something wrong with me. funny, huh... Whenever a relationship ended I felt it was because of something I lacked, never them.
I would stay with people I couldnt stand simply because I didnt want to be alone, and because I thought I couldnt find anyone else. nice thought, huh? oh, the joys of being a depressed teenager :) Ryan and I started dating when I was 20, so almost all of my dating experiences were from my teens.
It is weird to look back like that, and to see how much you have changed. I would NEVER let people get away with some of the stuff they did. I dated many complete idiots. I am the type of person who sees the good in everyone else. This quality contributed to my dating of dumb asses.
It is also weird to thing of what might have been different. Every little step in your life leads you to where you are now. I am lucky to have been led to this spot.

As I said earlier, my work schedule is all over the place. Some days I work very early, others I work late... It never seems to be a convenient time. Plus this mixing up of my schedule is hell on my insomnia (as you can tell... it is 1:15 am). my crazy sleep schedule has caused me to feel exhausted all of the time. This has caused me to be far less social than I used to. I hate that.I want to go out and do more, but I am so damn tired all of the time. ugh.

well, that is it for now. Tylenol pm is kicking in, so I better get to sleep while I can!
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